How Far We've Come
by Anonymous033
Summary: Sequel to Sitting on the Baby. Five years after Tony and Ziva babysit together, they find themselves married with two children. A story about how they got here and who they are now. Contains both fluff and angst.
1. Not So Hypothetical After All

**Summary: Five years after they first babysit together, Tony and Ziva find themselves married with two children. A story about how they got here and who they are now. Ten-chapter sequel to 'Sitting on the Baby'. Takes place mid-season 7 and ignores any character revelations that happen after that.**

**Disclaimer: Well, almost everything in this story is mine. Can't I just claim NCIS as mine too? Over Bellisario's dead body? Okay...NCIS is not mine. I don't want to kill anyone.**

**Spoilers: General seasons 3 - 6.**

**Thanks to Different Child, Hundan, and Shipperwolf for leaving nice reviews for Sitting on the Baby, encouraging me to write a fic with Tiva Children in it. Thanks to Cam, Sara, and Ash for giving me the go-ahead. And a tremendous amount of thanks to Tara for reading through the entire thing and giving me your opinions! You're the best. :D**

**I'm back! (Which must be obvious by now.) This took me a week and tons of research to write, so I hope you like it. Forgive me if I get anything wrong; I haven't actually married or had kids before. There are two important things I must say - one is that this story will make more sense if you've read Sitting on the Baby, or else you won't get some references and Ziva might sound slightly insane; another is that this is NOT a fluffy family fic, and by that I mean you won't find cutesey Tiva problems in it. It is fluffy, of course, but also very angsty.**

**And with that, please read, enjoy, and review!**

**-Soph**

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><p><strong>I. Not So Hypothetical After All<strong>

A parent's intuition works in strange ways, and it was what awoke them before the baby had even started crying. A second later a weak wail floated into the room through the baby monitor. Ziva rolled over onto her side and pushed herself into a sitting position without opening her eyes.

"Mmm," Tony mumbled, not opening his eyes either. He stifled a yawn. "I'll get him."

"It is fine," Ziva answered, completely awake by now. "I will be back soon."

She stood up easily and padded out of the room, and Tony drifted back to sleep. He didn't even notice when she returned. She slid into bed and snuggled up beside him, looping one of his arms around her. In ten minutes both were dead to the world, forgetting they'd been woken up in the first place.

xoxo

_They never know what to say when other parents ask them how they met. The literal answer is of course always the easiest – _we met at work_ – but it hardly describes their entire complicated relationship. It probably isn't a good idea to say, _Ziva was sent by her father to kill her brother who killed my partner and I ended up falling in love with her, _or _a few years later Tony killed my boyfriend and I did not think I could work with him so I went to the desert to get captured and tortured. _So they invented a story of romantic love and fairy-tale endings, and when anyone asks for details, it is this well-woven lie they tell. It doesn't bother them in the slightest, because they know the truth, and they know they love each other more dearly than anything in the world; that's all that matters._

_Their daughter is almost three now, and in the eyes of her parents the cutest thing to ever set foot upon Earth. Ziva had been right; their children would, and do, look like her, with their dark hair and dark skin. Tony thinks they even have a bit of her ninja ability, because he swears they can sense him coming from a mile away. To his eternal pride and joy, however, their son has his eyes. This is something he never grows tired of pointing out, and Ziva lets him, because she knows that a proud father is possibly the best thing that a child can have._

xoxo

Ziva was already up and getting ready for work the next time Tony awoke. It never failed to amaze him how she could get dressed and tie up her hair in complete darkness. He watched as she went into the bathroom and turned on the light; it was probably a sign that she wasn't a robot in disguise if she needed light to put on the few hints of makeup she wore.

She came out and sat down on the edge of the bed, running her fingers through his hair. "Good morning." She smiled down at him.

"How did you know I was awake?"

"Four years of marriage, and you are still asking that?"

"I'm too sleepy to think of a good retort right now."

"Expected, and that was why I asked. Your coffee is in the kitchen."

"Thanks. Why'd Ben wake up last night?"

"I do not know; perhaps he heard a car. He and Lila will be waking up soon. You should really get up."

He burrowed into the sheets and groaned. "Can't they get themselves breakfast for once?" his muffled voice asked pitifully.

"That is something I should like to see," Ziva replied dryly. "I am also waiting for the moment they dress themselves. It should happen in the next few minutes."

His head popped out and he gazed at her. "Sarcasm is the refuge of a shallow mind."

"So you have told me." She leant down and kissed him. "I have to go, before Gibbs kills me."

"You know, that man's gettin' on in age. He should really think about retiring."

Ziva's eyes dimmed for a moment. "His best successor left."

"McGee's a pretty capable agent."

"Yes, but we both know Gibbs is a creature of habit. He had gotten used to the idea of your taking over."

Tony was silent, because his wife was right; Gibbs was, unconsciously, still waiting for Tony to come in and take over his responsibilities.

Ziva started to speak again. "I-"

"It was my choice, Zi," he assured her. "Breakfast jokes aside, there's nothing I would rather be doing. Gibbs knows that."

"You're an unusual man," Ziva murmured, and Tony chuckled.

"Who would've ever thought I'd make a good househusband?"

"You should hear McGee at work; he is enjoying making those jokes about you. Abby scolds him for it, but he will not stop."

"Probie deserves his payback, after all these years. Hmm. Tell him the ballpoint pen is just a loan. "

"Yes." She got up. "Alright, goodbye. I will see you and the children later."

xoxo

_They can never answer questions about how they got together either. It wasn't exactly straightforward and simple – and yet it was, in a way, because it had crept up upon them so slowly that neither of them had had much opportunity to back out. Which is a good thing, really, because backing out is what they used to do best._

_They didn't know anything had changed the night they babysat together. The talks about hypothetical children were fun, but they were after all Tony and Ziva, colleagues and friends, and both had thought hypothetical was about as close as they would get._

_But a wish was born in Tony's heart; a yearning, a fantasy, a dream – call it what you will. For when you talk about family with someone you're in love with, you can't help but to wish it's true. And wish he did, with every particle of his heart and soul. Of course, he didn't think there was the remotest chance it would come true, but that's never stopped anyone before._

_And as for Ziva – well, Tony has always been her American Dream, hasn't he?_


	2. The Unit Called 'Family'

**A tremendous thank you to all who read and reviewed chapter 1! You guys make my day. :D**

**-_Soph_**

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><p><strong>II. The Unit Called 'Family'<strong>

A loud thump from somewhere upstairs and the ear-splitting scream that followed it confirmed his worst fears. He plunked down his cup of coffee and rushed up the stairs two steps at a time, cursing under his breath. It was a miracle Ben hadn't already awakened and added to the racket.

"Lila," he called as he opened the door to his daughter's bedroom. "What did I say about climbing out of the crib?"

The crying stopped as Lila hiccupped, and then opened her mouth to cry again.

"Enough," Tony said firmly. He knelt down and gathered his little girl into his arms, hugging her bruises away. "You know it's painful, and that's why you shouldn't do it."

"I wanted Daddy," Lila choked out.

"Patience is a virtue," Tony grumbled under his breath, and Lila simply stared at him, sniffling. He wiped away her tears. "Daddy's here now. Let's get you changed, and then go downstairs. What do you want for breakfast?"

xoxo

_Lila Angela. Their adorable, adventurous, and sometimes positively bizarre daughter. In her head are thoughts they can't possibly fathom, such as why she will time after time climb out of her crib after waking up from naps or a night's sleep just to hurt herself. Sometimes she gets away unscathed, and they think that may be what's encouraging her behaviour. They would open the door to find her sitting in the exact centre of the room and playing with her dolls, apparently having forgotten about whichever parent she'd been looking for._

_For whatever reason they call this period the Terrible Twos, however, Tony fails to see it. Lila is Daddy's Girl; if Ziva hadn't stopped him, he might actually have bought his daughter the pony she wanted._

_Ziva likes to think she's keeping a clearer head, and it's true that she's usually the one encouraging Lila to eat her food or take her naps. But she adores her daughter all the same, and keeps every single half-scribbled drawing that Lila presents to her; they can be seen adorning her cubicle at work, decorating the walls at home, or simply lying in a drawer of her desk to be occasionally taken out and admired with maternal pride._

_Lila herself thinks her parents are superheroes, of course. Daddy tosses her up into the air and catches her as she comes down, takes care of her during the day, and knows all her favourite foods – there is nothing he can't do. Mommy is gentler, and prefers cuddles to tosses, and it's nice when she's tired. She often falls asleep in Mommy's arms at the end of the day._

xoxo

A mere ten minutes later, laughing and squealing could be heard through the baby monitor, which Tony had taken with him into the kitchen. Tony smiled at the sound and glanced at Lila, who was busy prodding at her cereal with her finger. "Please use your spoon, Lila," he told her as he left the room and climbed up the stairs for the second time that morning.

Ben was lying on his back, his arms and feet waving around as he giggled up at the baby mobile above his head. "Hey," Tony said as he peered over the side of the crib, and the baby beamed at him.

"Yey-yey-yey."

"Yup, I think it's a good morning too."

"Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya."

Tony resisted the urge to laugh as he picked up his son. McGee would have had a field day listening to the conversation, really – he'd have come up with enough jokes to last everyone a millennium. "Did you sleep well?"

"Gah."

"I guess not, then. Your sister's already downstairs. We'll go join her."

"Eh."

xoxo

_Benjamin Isaia is their baby boy's name; he is older than he should really be. He was born at a little past thirty-two weeks, a time at which most babies will survive, but at which their wellbeing is not taken for granted. Little Ben was underweight and underdeveloped, and he was kept in NICU for a month before being released from the hospital. In the process, he had almost broken his mother's spirit and his father's heart._

_But he's a fighter, just like his mother. At seven months his development is like that of term babies, a fact for which Tony and Ziva will forever be grateful._

_He is his elder sister's most prized possession – she fusses over him, insists on helping to care for him, and talks about him constantly. He is his mother's most precious gem; the first person she hugs upon coming back from work, and the only person who can wake her up completely without making a single sound – almost as if they are psychically linked. He is his father's boy, the one Tony hopes to be able to bring fishing and play basketball with; the one Tony wants to teach baseball to, and coach Mini League for._

_And that's how it's easy for Tony and Ziva to answer questions about their children. It's part of a better life – it's less messy, less bloody, and less dark. It's part of their life as a family and as a unit that stands stronger united than divided. For once, they can proudly tell anyone who wants to know, about who they are as a family, and about what their kids are like. And as any happy parent would wish to tell, about just how beautiful their children are. _


	3. The First Step Is Always the Hardest

**Two notes:**

**1. Catherine is Ziva's next-door neighbour, who first made an appearance in Sitting on the Baby; she has a previously hospitalized husband named Daniel and a three-year-old daughter named Cassidy (Cassie).**

**2. Starting from this chapter, the story contains three tenses; Present (e.g. I sing), Simple Past (e.g. I sang), and Past Perfect (e.g. I had sung). For whatever happened prior to chapters 1 and 2, the sections written in _Italics _will change from Present to Simple Past, while the sections written in Regular will change from Simple Past to Past Perfect.**

**Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed! Much loves xx :)**

**-_Soph_**

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><p><strong>III. The First Step Is Always the Hardest<strong>

"_I like your boyfriend," Catherine said, taking a sip of her coffee._

_Ziva stared at the blonde woman as Catherine gently placed the cup on the aluminium table. They were sitting in a coffee shop not far from their apartment building, chatting and catching up while Daniel, who'd made a full recovery, watched Cassidy for the day._

"_I do not have a boyfriend, Catherine," Ziva told her in confusion._

_Catherine's eyes widened. "You don't? I thought – I mean, he's spending so much time at your place…"_

"_Who are you talking about?"_

"_Tony. Well, he babysits Cassie with you, and it looks like…"_

"_Like we are a couple?"_

"_Yes," Catherine finished lamely. "Well, both of you go well together."_

_Ziva took a deep breath and leant back in her chair. "We have a complicated relationship."_

"_You and Tony?"_

"_Tony and I, yes."_

"_It doesn't look complicated to me."_

"_There is a lot you do not know about, and it is that which makes it complicated."_

"_Like what?"_

"_I am sorry, Catherine, I would rather not talk about it."_

"_Okay. But did those things happen in the past?"_

"_Yes."_

"_They're not still happening?"_

"_I suppose one could say 'no'."_

"_Then you _had _a complicated relationship, but you don't _have_ one now."_

"_It is not so simple. You cannot forget the past and pretend it never happened."_

"_That only means you're forgetting the present and pretending it's not happening."_

_Ziva was quiet._

"_Look," Catherine said. "You're babysitting my kid, so I'm gonna act like I have more right to talk to you about your love life than I really do. I don't know how you feel about him, or how he feels about you, really. I'm just saying both of you could make a very good couple, and… you speak like you would like that to be true."_

"_Sometimes…" Ziva started, and then fell silent. What could she say? That sometimes she wished it were already true?_

"_If you're letting the bad memories from the past stop you, then you'll never get to make good memories in the present. And believe me, the present is more important, because you only have this one moment now, but the past just keeps piling up. Do you want to be eighty, looking back, and totalling up all the moments you missed?"_

"_No," Ziva admitted._

"_Then just give it a try. What have you got to lose?"_

"_Tony," Ziva whispered._

"_If you didn't lose him back when things were complicated, then I find it hard to believe you would lose him now."_

"_Yes, but getting into a relationship with him would be complicating things…again."_

"_Is that what happened the first time round?"_

_Ziva laughed. "No. I was not in a romantic relationship with him the first time around."_

"_Then you never know; maybe things will be even simpler if you _are _together."_

xoxo

That was the word Ziva remembered later in the day, when Tony had gone over to her place. _Simpler. _Could it really be? They were Tony and Ziva; simple had never before existed for them.

When he'd asked her – much like he had the first time they'd babysat Cassidy together – what she was thinking about, she'd laughingly told him that Catherine thought they were a couple and deliberately left out the latter half of the conversation. He'd laughed along with her, but there had been something shining in his eyes that made her uneasy and hopeful at the same time. What if 'complicated' with him was ultimately worth it?

When he rose to leave at the end of the night she'd tugged on his arm and invited him to stay. Neither of them would ever know what had propelled her to do that, but both were glad she had. Yet in the harsh light of morning what they'd done felt like sin, because it had meant more to them than they thought it should. So they fell back into their usual pattern of avoidance, and of glossing over the topic.

But it was only a week before Tony snapped.

xoxo

_He was almost crying by the time he slipped into the elevator and pressed desperately at the 'shut doors' button. But it was too late anyway; Ziva got in just before the doors closed and stared at him. She reached over and pulled the emergency brakes._

"_What is wrong?" she asked him, her voice even._

"_You know what's wrong," he growled back._

"_We had sex."_

"_Good to know you think that's what's wrong. Regretting it already?"_

"_No. But you seem to be."_

_Tony let out a breath of air and slid down onto the elevator floor tiredly. "I'm not."_

"_Then why all this upset?"_

"_Did you honestly think I could sleep with you and not give a damn the next morning?" he snapped, and then bit his tongue. He always did have a knack for saying too much._

_Ziva sat down next to him. "Did it matter to you, Tony?"_

"_What the hell do you think?" The sound of metal reverberated throughout the small space as he planted his fist into the elevator wall. "Forgive my stupidity."_

"_Tony, no." She wrapped her fingers around his wrist and pulled his hand closer to her, resisting his attempts to pull away as she inspected it for injuries. Satisfied that he hadn't broken anything, she let go and looked at him. "It was not just…sex…for me."_

"_If you're saying that so I won't punch the wall again, stop. I don't need your damn sympathy."_

"_I am not offering it. I am offering the truth."_

"_Yeah, right. Honestly, what kind of a stupid mess did we get ourselves into, Ziva?"_

"_I think…" Ziva hesitated, unsure about whether to finish her sentence. "We got ourselves into a relationship."_

"_What?"_

"_Well, other couples…I mean…if it meant something…I did not say anything."_

"_Will you just let me into your head every once in a while?"_

_There was a heartbeat of silence. "I want us…to be something more. Like a…but –but I am not expecting it and you can-"_

"_Ziva. Like a what?"_

"_A couple," she whispered, petrified._

_He took up her hands and realized with surprise that it was ice-cold. "Okay." She looked too frightened. "Zi…I think I'd like to give that a try."_

"_Yes?" She breathed out with relief, wide-eyed._

"_Yes." He leant over and kissed her gently._

xoxo

"Ziver, you're late for work again," Gibbs greeted her as the elevator doors opened and Ziva found herself face-to-face with her teammates and their backpacks.

"Do we have a case?" Ziva asked.

"Corporal, found dead in his home." Gibbs stepped into the elevator, McGee and Meredith, the probie, following. "How's your family?"

"Tony sends his greetings. Ben is growing well, and Lila is still climbing out of her crib."

"That girl's a lot like you."

"I thank you, but I never climbed out of my crib."

"You know that for a fact, Mrs DiNozzo?"


	4. Love Hurts, Sometimes

**IV. Love Hurts, Sometimes**

'Something more' had worked surprisingly well for them, and at work they continued to be as they'd always been; teasing and joking, and working together as colleagues. It wasn't to intentionally hide anything from Gibbs – quite on the contrary, they'd made sure he knew about them, because the consequences of keeping secrets from him were dire – it was simply that their work dynamic had been established for so long that it'd stayed the same. Once they left the office at the end of the workday, however, life had suddenly transformed into something sweeter and more romantic, almost like that of the younger lovers they'd come across during their many outings.

Dinners, moonlight strolls, and late-night cuddles. It was perfect – that is, until Ziva had had the misfortune of catching another man's eye.

xoxo

"_He's good-looking," Tony said as he stuck his chopsticks into a box of noodles._

"_Who?" Ziva asked absent-mindedly, twirling her own chopsticks as she watched the high-speed car chase on TV._

"_New guy downstairs."_

"_He is okay."_

"_Seems interested in you."_

"_I do not think so."_

"_Men know these things."_

"_Are you jealous?"_

"_Kind of."_

_Ziva tore her eyes away from the TV and gazed at him in bemusement. "You are admitting you are jealous?"_

"_Denial never worked out well for us."_

"_That is true." She turned her attention back to the car chase. "Why are you jealous, then?"_

"_He's your type."_

"_I am unavailable."_

"_I notice you didn't deny that he's your type."_

"_It would be kind of pointless, seeing as I am unavailable."_

"_If you weren't, would you date him?"_

_The expression she gave him was now one of pure amazement. "I do not know. Tony, is this discussion going anywhere?"_

_Tony put down his chopsticks and stared at her. "What are we, Ziva?"_

_She furrowed her brows. "We are a…couple," she answered, the last word barely leaving her lips._

"_You can't even say it. Can't say that we're a couple."_

"_It is just a word," Ziva replied defensively._

"_It represents who we are. If anyone asked you who I was – to you – what would you tell that person?"_

"_You are someone that I care deeply about."_

"_Like what? A friend?"_

"_Not as a friend."_

_He picked up her hand. "I'm sorry to be doing this to you. But you gotta decide, Ziva, how far we're going, because I don't wanna be stuck here forever. I feel like there's a part of you in denial about it all, like you're rejecting me, and it hurts."_

"_I am trying."_

"_We might get further if you let me help you."_

_Ziva was quiet._

"_I don't want to be just an afterthought."_

"_You are not."_

"_Prove it."_

_Silence was all he heard._

"_I'm going to bed, and you can think about it." He raised her hand and pressed his lips upon it. "Goodnight."_

_It was the first time he hadn't wished her goodnight with a kiss to her lips._

_And their little bubble of perfection was burst._

xoxo

She could still remember that night, very clearly. He'd gotten up and walked past her and into their bedroom; the bedroom they'd already been sharing for three months. She didn't know if he'd expected her to join him, but she hadn't. She'd turned off the TV and sat there in complete darkness for the entire night.

Abandonment. She'd not been past it long enough to forget what it felt like. The pain in her heart, the wetness on her cheeks, the saltiness upon her tongue. The realization that when all was said and done, she _was _alone and insignificant. Catherine had been wrong; things had not been simpler. They had not even been a good kind of complicated.

She'd have left before he left her, if it hadn't been her apartment.

But it had, so she'd just sat there crying silently; waiting for daylight when he would pack his bags and say goodbye, and weeping for all the times when people she'd loved had walked out and she'd pretended not to have shed a single tear.

xoxo

_It must've been three or four hours before he drifted back to the cusps of consciousness and realized, in his sleepy haze, that Ziva's warm body was not curled up comfortably beside him. He shot upright, awake in a millisecond – something felt wrong. He practically raced into the living room._

_Ziva was sitting in the exact same spot where he'd left her. Had she fallen asleep? He squinted through the darkness, with only the weak moonlight from a window above the couch to guide him. No, she most definitely wasn't asleep. She appeared, in fact, to be trembling rather violently._

"_Ziva," he called, and a soft, frightened squeak answered him. She didn't turn around to look at him. He went over to the couch, bending down to take a closer look. "My God, what happened?"_

_He didn't think he'd ever seen her cry so hard before; even by the pale moonlight he could tell that her entire face was tear-stained, and her eyes, swollen and red-rimmed, had to be well past producing any tears. She was shivering with the effort she took to choke back her whimpers, her lips trembling. But still she didn't look at him._

_He sat down and pulled her into his arms, and she squeaked again as she tried to bat him away. He stroked her hair when he thought it would calm her down, but instead tears started to run down her face again, and she shut her eyes and turned away._

_He kissed her temple and she tried to jerk out of his reach. "Talk to me."_

_She gulped. "I am…fine."_

"_No you're not."_

"_Tony, l-leave. I – I-" she stopped as another whimper threatened to overwhelm her._

"_Do you want me to leave?" He rubbed her hand._

"_Not – my choice."_

"_It is your choice, because I'm not leaving if you don't want me to."_

"_You want to."_

"_No I don't."_

_She gulped again. "No?"_

"_No. I just want you to talk to me. I want to know what's hurting you."_

_The sound that came out of the back of her throat made his hairs stand on end, devastating as it was._

_He kissed her again. "Ziva, I'm staying. I'm staying. I promise I'm staying."_

_She buried her face into his shoulder and sobbed._

_He had to fetch her a glass of salted water when she stopped crying, because she actually _looked _dehydrated by then. Pulling her into his arms again, he handed her the glass and said, "You thought I was leaving."_

_She drew in a shaky breath and nodded. "Nothing is permanent."_

"_I agree." Her eyes snapped up to his. "Doesn't mean we don't try to make it permanent. I want what we have to last, Ziva. I want to marry you, and have your kids, and be watching over our great-grandchildren together at ninety."_

"_Great-grandchildren?" She smiled slightly._

"_But I have to know that that's what you want too."_

_She looked down, and nodded. "I want that."_

"_Then you know you have to stop pretending this isn't real."_

"_What if you…"_

"_Leave?" Tony asked when she didn't finish her sentence, and she nodded slowly. "I'll only leave when you ask me to."_

"_I will never…"_

"_Then I'm here for good."_

_She looked at him, chewing her lip. "You promise, Tony?"_

"_I swear upon my life."_

_She studied him and then smiled, the weight of the world lifted off her shoulders. She snuggled into him. "I did not mean to break down," she said quietly._

"_I meant what I said, Zi. About marrying you." Ziva stilled. "Okay, get off me. I want to do this properly."_

_She sat up slowly, watching him. He got up from the couch and went over to his coat, whipping a small box from one of its pockets. He knelt in front of her and opened the box, and inside, with its tiny diamonds reflecting the pale moonlight, laid the most beautiful ring she had ever seen._

"_I'm not good at this," began Tony. "I wanted to do the whole romantic dinner and moonlight walk thing, but I didn't know how to do that. And frankly…we had some issues to work through first. I just had to know…you get it, right? We still have a long way to go. But one thing I'm sure of, Zi, is that I'd like to go the rest of the way with you as my wife. I've wanted that since the night we talked about what our kids would be like. And I have this picture in my head – it's us, sitting in front of the fireplace and telling stories to our children. Just like something out of a children's tale. Zi, I know you don't believe your life can be like that, but I'd like the chance to try and make it so. I want to be ninety and watching over our great-grandchildren with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Ziva David, will you marry me?"_

_Ziva gaped at him._

"_Okay. You know I have a bad knee, right?" Tony asked, and the tension was broken. She laughed._

"_Get up," she said, helping Tony onto the couch. "Yes."_

"_Yes?" He massaged his knee._

"_Definitely yes. I will marry you, Tony DiNozzo."_


	5. Paradise and the Things That Follow

**I haven't watched 8x24 "Pyramid" yet, so please don't give me any spoilers! Lol. Other than that, enjoy.**

**Thanks a bunch to all the awesome people who gave me lovely reviews!**

**-_Soph_**

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><p><strong>V. Paradise and the Things That Follow<strong>

"Finished breakfast, little princess?"

"Yea," Lila answered happily, dropping her spoon into her bowl with a loud clang.

Shifting Ben onto one arm, Tony detached the high chair's tray and lifted Lila to the ground. "Go into the living room. Daddy will join you in a few minutes."

Lila ran off. Tony placed the bowl and spoon into the sink and reattached the tray, gently bouncing Ben. The baby giggled.

Upon entering the living room, Tony found Lila in front of the bookcase, looking like a mini professor as she stood perfectly still and perused the book titles. This was another trait she'd inherited from Ziva; the love for books. Like many two-year-olds, Lila loved to run about and cause trouble, but once she laid hands on a book she would freeze and her eyes would widen, almost as if the words had captivated her with their magical charm. Tony enjoyed reading to her – she couldn't read much herself, but she was an excellent audience all the same.

She retrieved a colourful hardcover from the shelf dedicated to her own books and turned to Tony. "Can we wead, Daddy?"

"Okay. You want to read to Ben?" Lila nodded vigorously. Tony sank down into a bean bag chair and patted the spot next to him; she ran over and plopped the book into his lap, climbing onto the chair. Flipping open the book, he pointed to a word in bright red lettering. "Can you read this?"

xoxo

"_I do not like this."_

"_Why not? It's pretty big. And look, we have extra space for your books and my DVDs."_

"_It does not have a yard."_

"_If it did we wouldn't have extra space for your books and my DVDs."_

"_Yes, but our children-" Ziva stopped mid-sentence._

_Tony grinned mischievously at her. "So we are decided on this children thing?"_

"_We need a yard."_

"_Neither of us have yards now."_

"_It is different. If we are going to buy a house, Tony, we might as well do it properly."_

_Tony sighed dramatically. "Okay. Fine, we need a yard. We'll set these aside." He pushed away a pile of glossy pictures and drew another pile towards him. "You realize it's gonna be expensive."_

"_Yes."_

"_We could be paying for this house for a very long time."_

"_I know, Tony. But we are selling our apartments and buying the house together. We will be able to pay for it. I will work overtime."_

"_For a house?"_

"_No, for a life."_

xoxo

They'd decided to skip having a wedding altogether, because religious customs and a lack of finance – their bank accounts were considerably emptier after a twenty-per-cent down payment on a house – would have meant that the planning would be long and arduous. It had disappointed them at first, because a wedding was something they'd looked forward to since childhood, but in the end they accepted that it couldn't be done. To soften the blow, they'd dreamt up pictures of their marriage, and of their life with children.

They'd applied for a marriage license at a Marriage License Bureau, and on the day it was issued they'd invited their co-workers out to a fancy dinner. It was Gibbs, McGee, Abby, Ducky, Palmer, and themselves; there was laughter and wine in abundance, and it was exactly as they had imagined it.

The house they'd decided to buy was a two-storey terrace; to Ziva's immense happiness, it had both a front yard and a backyard. It was beautiful, with hardwood hallways, carpeted bedrooms, and windows that let just the right amount of sunlight in. It had a living room, a kitchen-cum-dining-room, three bedrooms, and two bathrooms – it was Paradise on Earth, and the white picket fence in the backyard pretty much clinched the deal.

Three months into their married life Ziva had found out she was pregnant, and then all too soon paradise had been lost again.

xoxo

_He couldn't see her face from where he was standing in the kitchen, but he could tell that she was upset again. She was in the living room, lying on the couch facing the picture window and pretending to be reading a book when she wasn't. He didn't think she realized that her form would grow slightly slacked whenever she spaced out; it was how he always knew when she was unfocused._

_He dried the last plate and left the kitchen; Ziva was staring out of the window without really seeing anything. He sat down in front of her, on the floor, and kissed her lips. "Talk to me," he told her, much like he had the night he'd proposed to her._

_She sighed. "I am worried."_

"_Worried about what?"_

_She dropped her book and waved her hands around, trying to find words for elusive thoughts. "The baby."_

"_Why? Do you feel something wrong?"_

"_No, not physically. But…Tony, would we make good parents?"_

"_A bit too late to think about that."_

"_I know…"_

"_We're gonna make awesome parents."_

_She looked at him pleadingly. "How can you be so sure?"_

"_I think it's just faith."_

"_This is real life, Tony. Faith is not enough. What if one of us gets seriously injured? What if we have to go undercover and be away for months at a time? What if I confuse baking soda with baby formula or put diapers on backwards or-"_

"_Zi, it's okay. It's gonna be fine. There're two of us here. If it gets too much for one of us, the other one will just take over."_

"_But what if that does not work? What if we cannot work together?"_

"_Do you remember what you told me the first night I babysat Cassie with you?"_

_Ziva shook her head._

"_You said we'd work well as parents because we work well as partners. I think that's true. We've got a good dynamic, Zi. No kid will change that."_

"_Okay," she said quietly._

_He could tell she wasn't convinced. "Zi-"_

"_It will go away, Tony."_

"_What?"_

"_How I am feeling." She picked her book up from her swollen stomach and buried her nose in it. And just like that, the conversation was ended._

_His wife was scared, and he didn't even know how to reassure her._


	6. Parenthood Is a Different Story

**VI. Parenthood Is a Different Story**

"Come on, we'll put Ben to bed together." Lila jumped down from the bean bag as Tony closed the book. "Put the book away first, please."

Taking the book from her father, Lila slid it into its place on her bookshelf – she was fastidious when it came to her books, and everything had to be arranged exactly as she liked it or severe tantrums would abound. Then she ran ahead of Tony, spinning in circles in front of the child safety gate at the bottom of the stairs. Tony had barely unlatched it before she was scampering up the stairs on all fours.

"Watch out," he called up to his daughter, who came to a stop in front of a second gate and peered pitifully through it like a prisoner through her cell bars. Holding back a laugh, Tony drew back the latch. Lila was off like a shot, and was already waiting impatiently in Ben's room by the time Tony arrived.

"Goodnight, Ben," chirped the little girl, and Tony held the baby lower so that she could give him a kiss. Satisfied that she'd fulfilled her sisterly duties, she flopped down into a sitting position and watched Tony place Ben in his crib.

"Come on," Tony whispered to her when the baby had settled, and she got up, almost stealthy in her movements, and slipped her tiny hand into his. Hand in hand, father and daughter went back downstairs.

xoxo

_Six pounds, fourteen ounces. That was how much Lila Angela weighed at birth. A wonder in the eyes of her parents; how could a human being look so delicate? With tinge of rose on her cheeks and her miniscule fist curled around Tony's index finger, she was a more-than-perfect china doll._

_He sank down onto the bed, next to Ziva, and she reached over and tickled the baby's cheek. Lila turned towards the touch._

"_She's ours," he said. It was probably the most sentimental thing he'd ever utter._

"_Yes." Ziva's smile was radiant._

_He kissed Ziva's warm brown hair and she laid her head in the crook of his neck, offering her pinkie to her baby girl. Five ridiculously small fingers wrapped themselves possessively around it._

_They were parents now._

xoxo

"Ziva!"

"Hmm?" Ziva raised her head to look at the goth, who was speed-walking towards her in four-inch-high platforms.

"Are we going over to your place tonight?"

"Yes, after the children go to bed."

Abby's face fell. "Aww, but I was looking forward to playing with them!"

"You can play with them this weekend, Abby," Ziva replied in amusement. "If you play with Lila before her bedtime, you know she will never go to sleep."

Abby grinned. "She likes her Aunt Abby."

"She does not stop talking about you."

"So what time do you want me and McGee over?"

"The usual. Can you come at eight-thirty?"

"Eight-thirty it is. McGee!" Abby trotted over to McGee's desk. "We're going over to Tony and Ziva's at eight."

"I still have a chapter of my book to write, Abs. Can't I go later?"

"Are you suggesting Tony and Ziva stay home until your creative juices run dry?"

"No, I'm saying you can go ahead first, and then they can leave when you get there."

"And what do I do there alone?"

"I don't know, babysit?"

Abby pursed her lips. "No one likes a smartass, McGee. _Eight o'clock._" She whirled away and left the bullpen.

Ziva cast him a sympathetic look. "I am sorry, McGee, but you had promised Abby that you would babysit with her."

"My publisher shifted the deadline for this chapter forward. I didn't know I had to finish it by the end of the week."

"You could always bring your work to our house."

"Yeah. But I mean, how much writing can I get done around Abby?"

"That is true. In that case, I am afraid you will just have to find a way to write your chapter some other time."

"Well, maybe I'll sell my soul to buy time," McGee muttered darkly in reply.

xoxo

_She didn't know that motherhood could be so terrible. She'd had her doubts about her (and even Tony's) capabilities before Lila's birth, but they were about how she would raise a child, not how she would feel raising a child. She'd thought that she'd screw up, not know how to hold the baby, be unable to comfort the baby, or even forget to feed the baby. But never in a million years did she think that she'd be sad about raising the baby._

_She spent her days walking around the house, bored out of her mind. It was suffocating, the way the walls seemed to press in on her; it was Somalia all over again. She loved her daughter dearly, but Lila slept a lot, and once the little eyes shut, life became empty for Ziva. There was nothing she could do; nothing she could see or hear or touch. It wasn't in her nature to be inactive. She had to be on the go, constantly. Even on the days when she went grocery-shopping or took a stroll around the neighbourhood with Lila, everything felt overwhelming – the threat of home preyed constantly upon her mind, its sinister laugh telling her that this was what she'd have to spend the next eighteen years doing._

_Tony saw how she woke up with nightmares each night. It broke his heart to see her like this, but she was stubborn; insistent. She was determined to be a good mother – she would stay home and raise her kids, ferry them to soccer practice and go to their every dance recital, make their lunches and wrap them up warmly for school. She would be the parent she and her siblings never had._

_So she put on a fake smile each time she lifted Lila out of the crib. She fed her, played with her, rocked her to sleep – did everything the perfect mother would do, and it turned out she was very good at it. But she never told anyone that all the while, she was crying inside._

_It took Gibbs to finally convince her to go back to work. He came home with Tony one night, drawing her aside after dinner._

"_How are you?"_

_She stared at him. Didn't Tony ever tell them how she was? "I am good. Lila is very easy to take care of."_

"_Your maternity leave is ending soon."_

"_I know. I have already handed in my resignation letter; did you not see it?"_

"_Ziver," Gibbs paused. "Tony says you've been having nightmares about Somalia."_

_She was so tempted to lie. "I have," she admitted._

"_You wanna talk about it?"_

_She shook her head. "No."_

"_You didn't have nightmares when you first came back."_

"_No."_

"_So why now?"_

_She picked at her skin. "I…when I first came back, I had somewhere to go."_

"_Go?"_

"_Yes. I was not…trapped, I…" She shifted on her feet._

"_Ziver…come back to work."_

"_I cannot, Gibbs. I will not leave my baby."_

"_You're not leaving your baby. You're not abandoning her and running out. You're just going to work and returning to her at the end of the day."_

"_That is the same thing as abandonment. She is too young; I cannot leave her in the hands of a stranger."_

"_I know a couple of babysitters, from…Kelly. That was a long time ago, but I know some of them are still working. I trust them. I can get one of them for you."_

_Ziva raised her eyes to his. She needed him to understand, parent to parent. "_She is my daughter._"_

"_I know."_

"_She is my responsibility."_

"_I know."_

"_If I go back to work, I will have failed my duty as a mother."_

"_It's the 21__st__ century; there are plenty of working mothers."_

"_Most of them do not have my job."_

"_Some of them do. Ziver, if you stay home, you're just gonna get lonelier and then you won't be able to do your job as a mother. Better to give yourself a break; give yourself time away to do something different and then you'll be glad to come home to your girl at night."_

_She was silent._

"_You're not Superwoman. You don't have to do everything perfectly."_

"_I want to do things _right_."_

"_Do you think you're doing things right, now?"_

_She fell silent again._

"_Come back to work."_

"_Gibbs, what about my baby?"_

"_Your baby will be fine. It'll do her good to spend some time away from you too. You can't take care of her if you don't take care of yourself, Ziva."_

_Ziva sighed. Nodded. "Okay. I will be reporting for duty on Monday morning."_

"_You want me to find you a sitter?"_

"_It would be nice if you did."_

"_Alright." He gazed at her. "I'm proud of you, Ziver. You've come a long way from that crazy-haired kid who burst into my squad room claiming her brother's innocence."_

_She smiled, bittersweet moments flooding her memory._

"_Never thought I'd be standing in your home talking to you and DiNozzo over there 'bout kids, but life catches me by surprise sometimes. You and DiNozzo make a good team."_

"_I am quite surprised about that myself."_

"_Strange how things work out."_


	7. What Perfection Really Means

**Okay, because this is relevant to the story line, here's what Ziva said to Tony in Sitting on the Baby:**

**"I was not brought up to be the perfect mother. I was brought up to be the perfect killer. I will never be standing at the door waiting for my children to come home, with a plate of cookies in my hand and the family dog sitting beside me. That is the picture painted in your children's books, yes?" **

**Enjoy, and thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed! You guys simply ROCK.**

**-_Soph_**

* * *

><p><strong>VII. What Perfection Really Means<strong>

Tony set the tray of food down onto the wooden coffee table and glanced over at the playpen, in which Lila and her toys were seated. She was holding a well-loved teddy bear in one hand and patting it rather violently with the other, completely ignoring her other toys.

He went over and squatted down, looking at her through the white plastic bars. "What are you doing?"

"Making baby seep," she informed him proudly.

"You're putting the baby to bed?"

Lila nodded.

"Is the baby asleep yet?"

"Yea."

"Okay. You wanna have lunch and let the baby sleep?"

Lila stopped her patting movements. "Is there cheese?"

"Yep. There's cheese." Throwing aside her teddy bear, Lila held out her arms. Tony reached over the bars and picked her up. "There're vegetables too."

"No!"

"And fruits."

"No!"

"Well, maybe later." He set her down at the coffee table, where she immediately began to fill her mouth with cheese.

xoxo

_Guilt. It was tearing her apart at the seams as she bent over and straightened Lila's covers, unwilling to say goodbye just yet. Any outsider observing her would think it was a mother's natural unwillingness to leave her baby, even just for a few hours. Any insider would know it was her internal conflict over feeling relieved that she was finally able to leave the house._

"_She'll be in good hands," the babysitter assured her. Sally was a confident and efficient woman; white-haired, well-dressed, and well-prepared. Years of experience. Setting aside her qualifications, both Tony and Ziva instinctively liked her, and that made them a little less worried about leaving their two-month-old alone with her._

"_You know where everything is?"_

_Sally nodded. "I have Emergency's, the police department's, the fire department's, and the local hospital's numbers in my head. I have Mr DiNozzo's and your numbers on my cell. The breast milk is in the fridge; the diapers and clothes are in the changing table drawers."_

"_Ziva," Tony whispered as he emerged in the doorway. "We gotta go."_

_Ziva dithered, and then smiled at the babysitter. "Thank you."_

"_She'll be all ready and waiting for you when you come home tonight," Sally answered warmly._

_Attempting another smile, Ziva let Tony lead her out of Lila's room._

"_Relax," he said when they'd climbed into the car. "Nothing will happen to her."_

"_I hope so too."_

xoxo

He had the phone by him, ready to pick it up the moment it rang so that it would not wake Lila up from her nap. He had Ben in his lap, happily waving a spoon around. He had eaten lunch, and it was his first free moment of the day.

"That's a spoon," he told the baby boy, and Ben gurgled. "Ssspoooonn."

The phone rang.

"Tony," Ziva's soft voice greeted, and his heart skipped a beat. Every single time. It never got old.

"Hey, Zi." He looked at Ben. "It's Mommy. Wanna say hi?"

He held the receiver to Ben's small face, and the baby gurgled into it. Something that sounded like Ziva's laugh drifted out of the receiver, and Tony chuckled.

"Imagine if he actually said 'hi' one day," he told her as he returned the receiver to his ear.

"I think you have been spending too much time with the children."

"Just hoping. How's work?"

"Busy. I have half an hour for lunch this time. McGee and Mere are out chasing leads."

"Tough case?"

"Quite. I am hoping we can close it by this weekend. Have you eaten?"

"Yeah. You?"

"When I hang up. What did you and the children do today?"

"Lila tried to read to Ben." Tony thought he could _hear _Ziva smile. "She could only recognize five out of ten words, but I give her an A for effort. And then I put her in the playpen and she put her teddy down for a nap. I think she was imitating you with Ben. Speaking of which, our prince has been good. Slept well, ate well. I just handed him a spoon to play with."

"Does he like the spoon?"

Tony laughed. "Talk about weird questions. Yeah, he likes the spoon. He's trying to put it in his mouth now."

"He is starting to teeth; we need to get him a teether. I have to go, Tony. I will be home soon."

"Okay. Don't forget your lunch. Love you, Zi."

"I love you too."

xoxo

"_Tony, I am quitting."_

"_What?" He came out of the bathroom and stared at Ziva in shock, the hand holding the razor frozen in mid-air. "Why?"_

"_Last night…we were only home an hour later than usual, but it made me realize…I do not want Lila to be the child whose parents are always too busy for her."_

_He sat down next to her on the bed, and placed his razor on the bedside table. "I don't want that either," he said quietly._

"_But our jobs require it. That is why I am resigning. I cannot do both at the same time."_

"_Ziva, you can't do stay-at-home mum well." Ziva shot him a hurt look. "You know what I mean. You're not the type to stay cooped up all day."_

"_I am willing to make sacrifices for Lila."_

"_No." He drew Ziva to him. "Let me."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_I'll stay home. I'll resign."_

"_But Tony, you love your job."_

"_You _need _yours. Sure, I'm gonna miss Abs and the McGoo and the Boss, but you know, I'll get over it." He ran a hand up and down her arm. "But you need your job to run. I don't know what you're running from or why you're running or even if you should be running, but I can see how trapped you feel if you're not out there doing something new or meeting new people each day. It keeps you busy and lets you not think about things you'd rather not remember. It's how you were raised, to go from one mission to the next."_

_She stared down into her lap. "I was right. I am not qualified to be a mother."_

"_Ziva." He waited until she looked at him. "One thing those children's books never tell you is, it's not just about the perfect mother. It's about the husband and the kids and everything. It's the whole family that makes it work. An apron and a plate of cookies is not gonna make it perfect, okay? What makes it perfect is how a family comes together to work through things like this. And we are the perfect family, because this is real and complicated and tough decisions have to be made but _we're all still together_. That's what counts. That's what tells me that ten years down the road we'll still be here as a _family_."_

_She blinked away her tears. "Okay."_

_He kissed her cheek. "You overthink things."_

"_You used to do that, once upon a time."_

"_I grew up." He smiled._

"_Thank goodness." She gazed at him quietly for a while. "Are you sure you want to do this?"_

"_Yes. I'll write my resignation letter to Gibbs at lunch. I should be able to leave in two weeks."_

"_Thank you, Tony."_

"_It's my family too, Zi. It's _our_ family. I want this to work out. I'd do anything for you and Lila."_

"_I know."_

"_You know I love you."_

"_I know. I love you too, Tony."_


	8. As Imagined

**VIII. As Imagined**

"Daddy, you want a house?"

"You made Daddy a house yesterday. Can I have a car today?"

"Mmhmm."

"Let's see." Tony spread out the coloured paper and pushed the scissors towards Lila. "What shapes do you need?"

Lila had already picked up the pair of scissors and begun cutting. "Wectangle."

Tony smiled faintly, amused. "Do you think you can cut a rectangle out better if you draw an outline first, Lila?"

"No."

"Alright. We'll see how it turns out. What other shapes will you need, little princess?"

Lila put down the scissors and thought hard. "Circles?"

"For the wheels?"

"Yea."

"Yup, I think so too. Okay, let's start."

xoxo

_Ziva lowered herself onto the couch and watched her husband play with her daughter; the early morning sunlight shone upon them, lighting them up and giving the entire room an aura of peace and harmony. She relaxed. Ever since Tony quit, she had been feeling a lot less stressed out. He had been fantastic, stepping into the role of father and househusband more smoothly than either of them could have imagined. She smiled to herself. He really was an angel._

"_The doctor's office called," she spoke up._

_He looked at her distractedly. "What did they say?"_

"_It is a positive."_

"_It is?" He stared, hardly believing his ears._

"_Yes." She got up and sat down next to her husband and daughter, beaming. "I am pregnant."_

"_Oh my God!" He laughed and threw his arms around her. "Oh my God!"_

_Lila looked from parent to parent, frowning. She didn't like that Mommy had taken Daddy's attention away from her. "Pwenant?" she asked petulantly._

_Ziva gathered her little girl into her arms. "You are going to have a baby brother or sister," she said, bouncing Lila in her lap. Lila furrowed her eyebrows. "Do you know what that means?"_

_The little girl shook her head._

"_In ten months, we will bring a baby home. This baby is your family, like Mommy and Daddy are. We will need you to help us take care of it, because it is very small. Sometimes you will have to share Mommy and Daddy with the baby. Do you understand?"_

"_Sare?"_

"_Yes. That means sometimes Mommy and Daddy will be busy with the baby and cannot play with you. But we love you and want you to help us with it. Do you want to help us?"_

_Lila nodded._

"_Good girl. You are going to be a big sister. You will have Big Sister jobs, which are very important. The baby is staying with us so you will have many Big Sister jobs for many years."_

_Lila grinned. "Me help!"_

_Ziva hugged her daughter to herself and kissed the crown of Lila's head. "I am so glad you want to."_

xoxo

Ziva had been right; they did need a yard. It felt good to get out into fresh air once a day, even if they were still at home. He watched as Lila ran back and forth trying to kick a large ball; it was wondrous how she laughed even as she fell, simply happy to be out and running free. She would occasionally abandon the ball to investigate a corner of the yard, and his only job was to make sure she didn't eat anything she wasn't supposed to.

Ben was in his arms, content to be drinking milk from the baby bottle. Ziva prepared five bottles before she went to work each day; it was organized and routine, and kept the household running well.

Lila was studying a shrub closely now, as if trying to determine how it came to be there. With a quick motion she reached out and plucked off a flower. Running to Tony, she held it out. "Daddy."

He smiled. "Yes, Lila?"

"This is a fower."

"Is the flower for me?"

"Yea, it is."

He accepted her offering. "Thank you. It's a beautiful flower."

"Welcome." She giggled and patted Ben, albeit with a much gentler force than she had used on her teddy bear. "Bye-bye, Ben. See you later." Spinning on her heels, she went back to her attempts with the ball.

xoxo

"_Mommy?"_

"_Yes, _nesicha_?" Ziva looked down at Lila, whom she held in her arms. They were sitting on the floor of the little girl's bedroom, Ziva having just read Lila a story._

"_Baby come?"_

"_No, not yet. The baby will come in mid-winter, when it is snowing outside."_

"_Winter come?"_

_Ziva ruffled her daughter's hair. "Not for a few months. I will tell you when winter comes."_

_Lila pondered for a while. "Baby boy?"_

"_Yes. Remember when I told you that you are a girl, and that boys and girls are different, but both very special?"_

"_Yes!"_

"_Mommy and Daddy will need to take care of the baby differently from how we took care of you. But you are both important to us. Lila, you will not have everything your brother has, but your _abba _and I will give you what you need."_

"_Okay."_

"_Do you want to help Mommy and Daddy pick out a name for your brother?"_

"_Yes!"_

"_Tomorrow I will show you a list of names, and you can help pick one you like."_

"_Okay."_

_Ziva kissed her daughter. "Bedtime." Lila crawled out of her mother's lap and allowed Ziva to put her into her crib. She wriggled into a lying position and Ziva tucked her in. "Do you want your song?"_

_Lila nodded._

_And just like she had, years ago with her neighbour's child, Ziva softly sang her own child to sleep._


	9. One Day at a Time

**So, this is the second to last chapter! It's a short one. :) A big thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed!**

**-_Soph_**

* * *

><p><strong>IX. One Day at a Time<strong>

"_Hey, Zi. Lila wants – what's wrong?" Tony rushed to his wife's side, rubbing her back in small, comforting circles._

"_No-thing, just con…tractions," Ziva answered, squeezing her eyes shut. Her hand was gripping the dining table so tightly that her knuckles were white._

"_How bad is it?" asked Tony anxiously._

"_Bad," she gasped._

"_I think we gotta get you to the hospital. What if – what if you're in labour?"_

"_Too early." She grabbed Tony's free wrist and clung on for dear life._

"_I know, but you look like you did…you know, when you were going to have Lila. Better to be safe than sorry."_

_She opened her eyes and looked at Tony, and he realized for the first time that she was terrified. She _knew _she was almost certainly going into labour, and she knew she shouldn't be; it was too early, way too early._

"_C'mon." He helped her up. "It's gonna be okay. I'll get you into the car, and I'll get Lila, and we'll drive to the hospital and everything will be fine. It's probably just another Braxton-Hicks."_

_Ziva shook her head, pursing her lips together; and he knew she believed just as much as he did that what she was feeling was not pre-labour contractions._

xoxo

It had been the worst night of his life, saving the night he'd found out Ziva was 'dead' after the ship transporting her to Somalia had sunk. Pacing along the corridor outside NICU, it was easy to minimize the hurt of that, because Ziva had obviously made it out alive and relatively well in the end; and he had no idea if his baby would. So perhaps, taking even Somalia into account, it had been the worst night of his life.

He'd seen Benjamin Isaia when they'd taken the baby out of the delivery room. Red, and not all that tiny; but not moving as much as he should have been. Tony's blood had run cold at the thought that that infant, that miraculous and wonderful and beautiful human being, could die – or worse, be disabled for life. Ben was his son; how could he ever bear to watch his baby boy suffer? And if Ben was not able to do what other children did? How could Tony possibly not hurt for him?

He had had to stay outside the delivery room during the birth to watch over Lila. When Ziva was taken to her own room he and Lila had visited, only to find her crying into her pillow. He'd instinctively known what it was about; despite his trying so hard to convince her otherwise, Ziva still believed that she had to be the perfect mother. And a mother who could not carry her baby to term was not, in her eyes, perfect.

It didn't matter that it wasn't her fault. It didn't matter that they'd read tons of books on pregnancy and childbirth and knew every single statistic there was to know; it didn't matter that they'd prepared for the worst. Because when it came to reality, everything was grey and blurry and complicated and couldn't be written down nicely into a two-hundred-page book.

So he'd gotten Gibbs, who'd arrived at the hospital just in time, to look after Lila; and then he'd climbed into Ziva's bed and hugged her to him, crying with her, because there was simply nothing else they could do at the moment.

xoxo

"_Ziva, wake up!"_

_She drifted slowly back to consciousness to find Abby's face staring excitedly at hers, with a smile that stretched from ear to ear._

"_What is it, Abby?" Ziva flipped over onto her back and yawned tiredly._

"_I overheard Tony talking to the doctor. I've got some great news. Great news! But – oh, I can't tell you."_

"_News about Ben?" Ziva met Abby's eyes. "Is he alright?"_

"_Tony will tell you. I hope he comes back soon, because I'm gonna burst if I can't tell you."_

_Right on cue, Tony strode into the room, grinning like Abby – or a Cheshire cat._

_Ziva sat up so quickly that the bed shook. "Ben?"_

"_Yes." His eyes snapped to Abby's. "You didn't tell her, did you?"_

"_I did not!" Abby replied indignantly. "Thanks for the faith, Tony."_

"_Sorry."_

"_Though I might tell her now if you don't," Abby continued impishly._

"_Tony! Abby!"_

_Tony was by Ziva's side in an instant, holding her hands. "I have good news. C'mon, we're going to NICU."_

"_Will you just tell me what's happening?"_

"_Trust me, you'll want to see this in person. C'mon. Believe me."_

_Ziva got down from her bed and followed Tony to the neonatal intensive care unit. He pulled her to a stop beside Ben's incubator._

"_Look," he said proudly._

_Ziva was wide-eyed and open-mouthed, frozen in spot. Suddenly she clapped a hand to her chest and swayed. "He is off the ventilator. He is…he is off the ventilator!"_

_Tony wrapped his arms around her. "Yup. Our baby's breathing on his own. All on his own, Zi."_

xoxo

It had been another two weeks after he was taken off respiratory support before Ben was allowed to go home – he was finally breathing, feeding, and maintaining a stable temperature on his own. Tony helped Lila plan a party for her baby brother's homecoming, so that when Eli David pulled into the driveway and helped _his_ daughter out of the car, Ziva and her son had immediately found themselves surrounded by friends and family.

The party had been fun and relaxing; and Lila, forever the Drama Queen, soon became the centre of attention whenever Ziva excused herself to nurse her baby. The visitors left at sunset, and Tony and Ziva had put their children to bed together.

At last, they were all home.

And tomorrow, as they say, would be a better day.


	10. If We Could Have a Wish

**Barney & Friends, more commonly called Barney, is a children's show with a purple-and-green dinosaur as the main character. I'm only mentioning this because it's pertinent to the story, btw...I'm not that random yet.**

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><p><strong>X. If We Could Have a Wish<strong>

"Mommy is back!" Lila screamed as she raced to the front door, throwing herself against it in a desperate bid to get to her mother.

"Wait, Lila, let Daddy open the door first." Tony gently moved the little girl aside to open the door. Lila shot out and ran up to her mother, wrapping her arms around Ziva's left leg as Ziva laughed.

"How was your day, _nesicha_?" Ziva squatted and brushed back her daughter's windblown hair.

"It was good. I read," Lila answered solemnly.

"Daddy told me. You read to Ben?"

"Yea."

"Smart girl. Daddy said you could read five words out of ten. I am so proud of you, Lila."

Lila chortled happily and grabbed Ziva's hand, wanting to drag her to the front door. "Ben, look! _Ima_ is back!"

Tony kissed his wife and handed her the baby, taking Lila from her at the same time. "Welcome back."

Ziva smiled and snuggled Ben. The baby fussed; Ziva rocked him in her arms gently. "How was _your _day?" she asked Tony.

"Your kids have been driving me crazy. Lila wanted only cheese for lunch, snack time, and dinner. But I convinced her to eat some peas and carrots."

"Cheese is good." Lila nodded wisely.

Ziva laughed. "Cheese is good, _nesicha_, but so are vegetables."

"No!"

"They will help you grow stronger and taller. Do you want to help me pick out vegetables when I go grocery-shopping? And then you can help Daddy cook it. You can be the big girl who chooses and prepares her own food."

Lila considered it. "Okay!"

"I thought you might want to do that. So, are you watching Barney today?"

"Yea. Before you came back."

"When I have put Ben to bed, can I watch two episodes with you?"

"Please will you, Mommy?"

"Okay, baby. I will be with you in fifteen minutes."

Following her family into their home, Ziva went up the stairs and into her son's room, eager to spend the fifteen minutes of quality time before he went to bed that she had every workday, alone with him.

xoxo

"Can we watch one more?" Lila turned her pleading eyes upon her mother.

"No, Lila. When Barney ends, it is bedtime." Ziva pressed on the remote control to turn the TV off. Lila whined. "If you do not want to go to bed, Mommy cannot sing her song to you."

The little girl paused. Ziva's singing to her was a special treat; it was done every bedtime and only for her. Strictly a mother-daughter thing, it was one of the few activities in which Ben and Tony were not allowed to participate. Scrunching up her face as she tried to decide between a purple dinosaur and her mother's Hebrew songs, Lila nodded slowly. "Bedime."

"Okay." Ziva scooped Lila up and carried her to her bedroom. "Did you brush your teeth?"

"Yea. At bath time."

"Do you need to go potty?"

"No."

"Goodnight kiss for Mommy?"

Lila covered Ziva's face with kisses. Ziva laughed and kissed her daughter's forehead, and then lowered Lila into the crib and tucked her in. "Okay, are you ready?"

Lila nodded fervently and listened with all her might as Ziva began to sing.

Both parents thought their daughter would grow up to become a professional singer one day.

xoxo

"Tony!" Abby squealed as softly as she could and flew into the arms of her favourite NCIS-special-agent-turned-stay-at-home-dad. "I haven't seen you in so long! How are you? Sister Rosita fell off a ladder the other day and I didn't even get to tell you! I told Ziva to tell you but I'm not sure if she remembered – she has so much on her mind.

"And McGee picked up some new skills at a conference last week and the Bossman's pretty impressed, even though he _still_ has no idea what Timmy is doing. But Timmy works so much faster now that _El Jefe _is pleased to just let him ramble on with the geekspeak a little bit. Not too much, cause then it would take as long as it had with Timmy's old skills.

"And Meredith is…Meredith, I guess. I don't know; I don't pay much attention to her. She's not as funny as you, Tony. Oh guess what? I had to buy a new telescope the other day because my old one was getting well, old, and I had to retire him. He was so sad to leave. But you should see my new baby, she's _so cool_! Oh my God Timmy, I'm leaving you standing in the doorway!"

Abby turned and pulled McGee into the house. "Tony," the younger man greeted cheerfully.

"McGee," Tony grinned. "How's life? How's that chick you're dating?"

"Good. She's in Russia for two weeks. She has work to do."

Ziva came downstairs and smiled at them. "You are right on time; Lila has just fallen asleep."

"Perfect!" Abby clasped her hands together. "Now you two lovebirds go ahead and have your night out. Don't worry about anything; McGee and I will handle it. We've got everything under control." She practically shooed Tony and Ziva out of the house, stopping only to let them retrieve the car keys and their coats.

She watched them get into the car and drive away before she closed the door; and then she and McGee automatically switched into Godparent mode, ready to pacify the children in case they woke up, and put them back to sleep.

xoxo

_It is too late in the night to go for any fancy dinners, and neither of them wants to spend a lot of money or stay out long; so they do what they did in the early days of their relationship and grab a quick meal in a greasy fast food restaurant, and then take a stroll around the park afterwards._

_He has her hand in his, and they're walking in sync – four years into their marriage, their love for each other has only grown stronger and more mature. They find it hard to believe that they've known each other for more than nine years, and had alternated between being friends and being enemies for almost the entire first half of that._

_If there's one thing they both know without it having to be said, it's that neither of them regrets having come this far, and neither of them regrets having walked down the path they have chosen. They are better together; happier and more remarkable than they've ever been apart. And they both know by now that yes, they do have the perfect family. One that loves and cares for one another. They have two beautiful children and a home with a white picket fence – they might not yet have a dog, but they already have their American Dream._

_They stop by a fountain and admire the jets of water shooting into the air; the spray, mystically coloured by the red and green spotlights at the base of the fountain, makes for a picturesque contrast against the dark night sky. Tony glances down into the rippling water and sees the shiny coins glimmering at the granite bottom of the pool._

"_Zi."_

"_Tony?"_

"_If you could have a wish, what would you wish for?"_

_She furrows her brows at him, confused, and then follows his gaze to the coins. She smiles and leans her head affectionately against his shoulder._

"_Nothing, Tony," she says softly. "I have everything I want."_

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><p><strong>And that's a wrap! Thank you to everyone who's read, supported, set out alerts for, favourited, and reviewed this story! It's the little things in life that keep me going. :)<strong>

**I hope you enjoyed this Tiva Family fic; see you in another story!**

**-_Soph_**


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